Today my husband sent me this
“Edison was a poor student. When a schoolmaster called Edison “addled,” his furious mother took him out of the school and proceeded to teach him at home. Edison said many years later, “My mother was the making of me. She was so true, so sure of me, and I felt I had someone to live for, someone I must not disappoint.” At an early age, he showed a fascination for mechanical things and for chemical experiments.“
A story about Thomas Edison who apparently had “difficulties” in school but clearly succeeded in life.
My older is “difficult” I always tell myself he will be a successful adult but as a child he is a toll on us, his parents.
He doesn’t understand “no”, he literally doesn’t understand it. Don’t tell me your child is the same, no, he is not, trust me.
This child would argue with you if you told him is day time, he will start an argument insisting that it is night. Maybe has a future as a lawyer?
No matter what you suggest him to do, his first answer is no. And I am not talking about chores, I am talking about fun stuff:
Do you want to go for a bike ride? No
Do you want to go to the pool? No
Do you want ice cream? No! He is in the 0.00001% of the kids population who doesn’t like ice cream.
You got the point.
After sending me that little bit of info about Edison, I replied saying that his mother was a good mother.
His answer was “So Are You”.
It felt good. Finally a sign of appreciation. But honestly after spending over a year 24/7 together I can’t take it anymore. My older, like my husband, is intense. They are intense in different ways.
My older is intense because of his emotions and the fact that he can’t manage them. When he falls into an emotion vortex also known as anxiety attack, I get dragged right into it as well.
I am not totally stable myself especially since my mother passed away.
When my son has these attacks I try to stay cool. The more I feed them the worse it gets so I calmly try to tell him to breath and get a drink of water.
I was suggested to use EFT on him.
EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique and is done by tapping different parts of the body. In theory you should also talk about your feelings while tapping but I was told it can be helpful also by just tapping.
I have used this technique on myself when I was upset because I couldn’t get pregnant or after my mother passed and I have to say that it does help.
I also bought him an anti anxiety bach flowers spray and told him to use it when he feels anxious, but he forgets.
All this to say that honestly I don’t feel like a good mother. I can be tough and rough on him. I have moments when I love him and want to kiss him and hug him and tell him that I love him but most of the time he pushes each one of my buttons and I am just exhausted.
My mom used to show me how much he deserves love and affection and I agree, but as a grandma that was her role. I feel like my son lost a very important support in his life when my mother passed away. She was literally always encouraging him and be there for him no matter what. She would hug him, kiss him, tell him she loved him unconditionally. She would be exhausted but if he asked her to read a book she would have read a book even if her English was broken.
I wish I could offer the same to my son but I can’t. My mom and I were very different. But my mother as a grandma was definitely different than my mother as a mom. A grandchild is special.
My mom would have been extremely upset and would have denied the fact that my son could even remotely be on the spectrum. We all go through denial but her love would have not let her see the whole picture.
I am in a semi denial state myself but I know there is some truth in this classification.