The time … I was jealous

I have this friend.

Well “friend”, more likely a girl I know. She is a famous fashion blogger. Extremely privileged. Comes from a wealthy family and started blogging from her bedroom taking pictures of her expensive clothes. To give you an idea, she was sporting a Rolex by 12 years old.

She is extremely successful and made a lot of money. I don’t get it. No literally, I don’t get it, I mean I don’t get her humor, I don’t get her writing style, I don’t get most of the stuff she writes but people seem to fall over heels for her. Anybody read “the new Emperor clothes”? Not sure this is this actual name of the book, I translated it from my language.

I have always been jealous of people around me and this is something I am trying to work on. I try to appreciate what I have but … what do I have exactly? A verbally abusive husband? Yup, hard to compete with that. This girl on the other hand is married to her high school sweetheart and her husband is worth millions, on top of her own millions.

I guess most people are not actually jealous as she posts all these expensive clothes she receives for free, goes to these expensive vacations and dresses like a clown (not out if jealousy, she really dresses like a clown, meaning ridiculous, the more ridiculous, the more attention she gets).

Isn’t she scared of getting jinxed putting her amazing life out there like that? Clearly I am superstitious and I try not to make anybody feel like they have less than me but to each their own.

Anyway, back to the jealousy issue.

Yes, I am jealous she is successful, I am jealous she married the love of her life, I am jealous that it *seems* she has a perfect life. What I do sometimes is to imagine that these *perfect* couples have problems too. I imagine that maybe her husband is abusive too. Who knows. I can’t possibly be the only one with an abusive husband, can I? Clearly she wouldn’t post it on her blog as her blog is all about fashion and silly quotes and mentioning an abusive husband would bring her ranking down. Who knows!

I was scrolling through her Instagram (jealousy turns you also into a stalker), and some of her pictures have like 30k likes. I am not an Instagram expert. Is 30k a lot? I have no idea, it sure sounds a lot to me. I am sure some bloggers/influencers get even more and I also get it that on Instagram is easy to collect “likes”.

I think she used to have a blog too with like a million or so followers but something happened, not sure exactly, I think she was threatened and she shut it off … OK, so rich people cry too (sometimes) but for different reasons that common mortals.

So after she shut off her blog I thought she was done and would go back to her life but no, she is still active on Instagram looks like.

So this is one person I am jealous of. Why? Because she had is easy. Or maybe I am jealous because she chose the right husband and I didn’t? I don’t know. Or maybe it’s because she has money and if I had that money I could have already left my husband and move on with my life?

I spoke to my father a few days ago. He told me he is happy I married my husband. I don’t tell him about his verbal abuse… my answer was that he has his issues too, you know what my dad told me?

He said there is no perfection, everybody has something.

Ok, I get it, trust me. But could that something not be verbal abuse?

I haven’t spoken to the Rabbi who was supposed to *help* us, in 2 weeks. I was this close to send him a message saying that he is the person who gave up on me the quickest of all but then I learned that he has been in touch with my husband… ok better him than me.

Alright, my jealousy rant is over. Moving on. Good night.

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